Sunshine and storms

My next excursion across the pond seems to have taken on a life of its own.  After a chat with a slightly stressed and sleepless Tammy this week to explain the cost of fuel duty has made the Toronto bit impossible for now, the itinerary is thus:

Monday 29 Sep ~ leave home at midnight for a 6am flight from Heathrow to Amsterdam, then on to Dallas (DFW). Friend of 4 years Kerri who works in the Child Support office whose hubby was in the prison next door to Ray's until last year is picking me up and I'm staying the night with them.
Tues ~ Possibly seeing daughter-in-law + Jason in the AM, get train to Austin just after lunch, spend all afternoon crawling through the TX countryside, Moergan and Tim picking me up at Austin train station, staying the night with them
Wed ~ seeing another friend of 4 years Nancy during the day, night at Mo & Tim's again
Thurs ~ get bus (not Greyhound, but close) from Austin to Prairie View (NW of Houston) to meet Carol (this is where you start to roll your eyes folks) acquaintance of about 6 months but ex-pat with son in prison next to Ray's. Stay the night with Carol
Fri ~ mooch around Prairie View and Magnolia, early to bed
Sat ~ very AM, drive with Carol up to Tennessee Colony, drop off stuff at Hospitality House, I see Ray *big grin* Carol sees son. PM, eat in Palestine, chill out at Hospitality House, stay overnight
Sun ~ AM, Carol drops me at Coffield again and then makes her way home as she doesnt live far enough away for a 2-day visit. See Ray again *big grin*. Ray's ex Sharon picks me up on her way to collect her youngest son from his dad at Corsicana, go back with Sharon to Dallas. Spend evening visiting Melba and possibly DIL + Jason if she & Sharon are speaking at that point. Stay the night at Sharon's.
Mon ~ Get picked up by friend of approx 6 months Jo Anne, potter around for the morning, get dropped off at DFW by midday. Fly home, via Amsterdam again
Tues ~ get home around 3pm. Sleep.

I need to book my train ticket, bus ticket from Austin, coach ticket from here to Heathrow & back, and save the equivalent of a small African country's national debt for the gas money while I'm over there.

Lily has decided that  she is not going back to Hartpury in September. She is going to go to the 6th form at her old school in Launceston to do AS-levels and stay with her best friend's family for which I am paying board and lodgings. She will trek back here every couple of weekends and for holidays, and then apply to do a foundation degree either at Hartpury or the Berkshire Agricultural College to start Sep 09. This is a compromise.

Current Location: looking at maps
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Seth Lakeman ~ Kitty Jay

Last night, I bought one of the few remaining tickets to Dallas for under £500. It was a close call, having another couple of those "are you sure?" moments along the way when I only just made it to the bank to transfer the money into the right account, and then when I phoned up Dial-A-Flight for the one they were supposed to be holding for me, to find that the guy had held the wrong flight (via Detroit instead of Amsterdam) and that the fuel surcharge had gone up yet again making it even more expensive than the non-stop flight had been (which has also gone up again in the past 4 days). Then their computers went down so the lady I was speaking to said she would have to call me back. I sat for a moment at the computer, and then something prompted me to look just one more time ~ hey presto, Travelbag had the same flight via Amsterdam that I'd wanted the guy to hold for me, and it was £20 cheaper than the price he had quoted! When the lady called back, she was very apologetic and said she'd been trying to find a similar stop-in-Europe flight but the best she could do was £600 via Milan,  so I said about the Travelbag one and she said "book it now". I did.

I'm hoping I will pick up the money for my travel insurance today, by taking the garden plan over to Lisa & Gavin. I have so enjoyed working on it, even though it is very simple and unadventurous. I drew a fence down one side, that was just an open gap between them and their neighbours; when I spoke to Lisa last night, she said the neighbours had finally put a fence up LOL When I was at primary school, we were read a story about a girl who drew things that came to life, it reminded me of that.

This morning, a huge surprise. I have an email from Lee! He says he went to see Ray last Sunday (I assume Sharon dropped him off and picked him up between collecting her younger son), and they had a good visit. I am so thrilled, not just to get the email (un-prompted and unexpected) but also that they got to spend some time together without anyone else there (at their table). Ray was upset last time because Lucas did all the talking and Lee hardly said anything. He has had a good month; a letter from Lucas, a visit from Lee, Melba has come through her surgery ok, we've spoken on the phone and in 3 days it is our 4th "first contact" anniversary.

Lily is in Cornwall til Thursday with her friends. She does not want to see her dad, but he has a habit of finding out where she is and turning up anyway. She was very down before she went, the College still have not confirmed that she has a pace next year, dispite her getting a Distinction overall and also being given the summer work-placement assignment to do. She didnt get a chance to see if her egg, Tuna, had hatched at the Prize Day, and her grandparents failed to follow what we'd all agreed so I didnt get any photos of her collecting her certificate because they didnt let her know they had arrived so she could give them my camera. She is going to be training Lisa's westie Spike over the summer, and possibly a Boxer named George too, some basic commands and to walk to heal.

Current Location: getting ready to run between the raindrops
Current Mood: surprised
Current Music: Biffy Clyro ~ Who's Got a Match

Would someone care to explain to me (and then perhaps the Prime Minister and other assorted policy makers) how it can be cheaper to take multiple flights between London and Dallas than it is to take a single flight?  British Airways had a non-stop Heathrow to Dallas flight in September for £449 last week. I checked yesterday, after they had added yet another fuel surcharge, and the same flight is now £612. That's £150 more, for going exactly the same distance, on exactly the same plane, and call me cynical but I suspect that if 50 passengers paid that much for their tickets, everyone else on the flight could probably travel for free if it were based on actual cost to run  the damn thing. Yet, if I decide to get a multi-stop ticket, I can go via Amsterdam, Chicago and Phoenix, and only pay £350 all in. How can that possibly be justified as a green tax if it is actually encouraging people to cover greater distances by air when there really is no need to?

I was going to book my flight at the end of this month. Now I find I have to save another £150 to do it ~ at which point I suspect it will have gone up even more ~ and my 10 day holiday is rapidly shrinking to a normal 4 day visit because the more I have to spend on a flight the less I will have to spend on actually being there :(

Current Location: going backwards
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Atreyu ~ Becoming the Bull

First some housekeeping: ebren is raffling off a piece of her jewellery here: http://ebren.livejournal.com/125750.html

Proceeds will go to their local hospital's cancer outreach services - they are in dire need of more equipment.

Next, Melba had a mastectomy on Monday. I called the hospital yesterday expecting to talk to a nurse, and was put straight through to Melba's room :) We talked for a bit, she is still a bit groggy but sounds good and is understandably nervous about any chemo they decide to give her. The Drs have to do some pathology on what they removed before they decide the next step of treatment.

I decided to call Coffield and leave a message with the Chaplain that Melba had come through ok, but for once it was Chaplain Rose on duty and not the snotty Chaplain Ray! What a difference ~ he took the details and then asked for my number; I said I'm in England, and he said in that case I should call back in 2 hours and I could tell Ray myself! Well that was one of the longest 2 hours I've spent in a while LOL I called back, and Ray & I got to talk for 20 minutes, and it wasnt even on speakerphone. He was a s surprised as I was, and we covered a lot so I now know that Lucas has finally written to him, and we talked about Jay as he has just been diagnosed with stage 2 alcoholic hepatitits.

When I got off the phone to Ray, I thought I would give Jeanne in Florida a quick call, only to find that she was also at thier hospital because their grandson was born yesterday morning at a very respectable 8lb something (couldnt get the last bit out of Herb LOL).

So everyone is safely through, and everyone is reasonably happy!

Current Location: leaving for work
Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: Carly Simon ~ You're The Best

which I need before I throw the puter out the window

Copy and paste to your own journal, erase my answers, and add your own. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real places, names &/or objects, but nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person you got this from has the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. And Have Fun With It!!!

1) 4 LETTER WORD: Sift
2) BOY NAME: Simon
3) GIRL NAME: Sienna
4) OCCUPATION: Signwriter
5) A COLOUR: Sepia
6) SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Scarf
7) BEVERAGE: Southern Comfort
8) FOOD: Semolina
9) SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Sponge
10) A PLACE: Seville
11) REASON FOR BEING LATE: Sudden memory loss
12) SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Sh1t!
13) TYPE OF TRANSPORT: Sailing boat
14) POP GROUP: Supertramp
15) ANIMAL: Snail
16) A RIVER: Severn
17) A CHEMICAL ELEMENT: Selenium (maybe!)
18) SOMETHING FOUND IN A KITCHEN: Sink
19) A GAME OR SPORT: Scrabble
20) AN ADJECTIVE: Subtly

Current Location: waiting for Friday
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Bon Jovi ~ Livin on a Prayer

Introducing my nephew Morgan, who looks uncannily like my dad

   

Now a month old and weighing 7lb 12oz, fighting all the way.

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Beat It ~ Fall Out Boy

Isnt it sad when I am moping about not getting an interview as opposed to not getting a job?!

Anyway, here's what they said:

"We had a large number of applications, 69 in all, and many of the applicants had already worked in Archives in a Higher Education setting and had also looked after HE Collections.

Your application was very well presented and covered most of the headings required.

We interviewed applicants who had all the essential criteria and then out of those, the people who had the most desirable criteria.

Unfortunately you did not have any experience of working in HE which was one of the essential criteria.

You did not appear to have undertaken any Continuing Professional Development since 2001, which was one of the desirable criteria along with experience of managing HE Archival collections and would be important for working in HE.

I hope these comments are helpful and I am sorry you were not successful this time but wish you the best of luck in any future applications."

SO I guess that was a usefull exercise in seeing that some people cant read application forms. I do have expereince of working in HE, as I was a student warden at Duchy College which is part of Plymouth University. I also deal exclusively with HE data at the moment, have been to university and have a daughter wanting to do the same. But it's obvioulsy my fault for not woring in companies who can subsidise Professional Development (which is code for picking up NVQs that you dont really need because it make the Investors In People awards that much easier for the organisatin to get), and not earning enough to pay for my own bits of paper. Strange, I thought I was doing that with the £9000 student loan I'm currently paying off, not to mention the overdraft that came with it. If my job doesnt equate to manageing an archival HE collection of Information, then I really dont know what is.

Current Mood: rejected
Current Music: none

I am wondering if it is more than chance that me and 2 other Aquarians I know are all struggling with our work environments, that include computer systems that dont do what we want them to (keep telling myself, it will only do what it is told, computers cannot read minds or make uninformed decisions), people who are generally nice but dim, and bosses who seem to rely on us far more than they should and strangely we let them, mainly because we couldntgiveafuk anymore. All 3 of us have also not got anywhere near the jobs we wanted recently.

Isnt it about time the universe moved on?

Current Location: in the small ads
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Stevie Nicks ~ Belladonna

First the words. A poem Ray sent me from the Houston paper, because aparently April was poetry month.

Jam, by Karen Chase

Our love is not the short
courtly kind but
upstream, down,
long inside enjambled
enjoined, conjoined, and
jammed, it's you, enkindler,
enlarger, jampacked man of many
stanzas, my enheartener love
runs on from line to
you, from line to me and me
to you, from river to sea and sea to
land, hits a careless coast, meanders
way across the globe land
ahoy! water ahoy! love
with no end, my waters go
wherever you are, my stream
of consciousness.

and the pictures are Lucas and Sam's wedding

             

The woman not smiling is Sharon.

Current Location: about to dive into yesterday's Guardian
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Song Bird ~ Fleetwood Mac

If you like your metal loud and screaming, non-stop and unintelligible, then this CD may not be for you. Granted there are a couple of tracks that roll around like a thunderstorm caught between two hills, but this CD has much more to offer. Lyrics that at first listen sound innocuous enough but on deeper reading become very dark and vicious, juxtapose wonderfully with soaring guitar work and M Shadows' gravel-in-honey voice. And right when you think they are a full-blown metal gatepost, you are sidelined with the gorgeous lament of being far from home and missing your girlfriend. Genius!

In an age when most bands actually want to be labeled as a certain genre, Avenged Sevenfold seem perfectly at ease with doing whatever comes to mind. They look metal. They can write with a goth sorrow. They can be as sarcastic as the best punk offerings. The orchestral arrangements add so much to already full songs, and the musicianship and production are polished and swaggering. M Shadows struck me at first glance as another Chester from Linkin Park; he still does but if anything his vocal range is greater and smoother, this guy can sing and growl as required. He is also by far the best eye candy of the quintet, though none of them are shrinking violets and are sure to have their fair share of groupies.

The CD opens with the bitter and twisted "Critical Acclaim", setting the goth tone with an intro on a church organ. The cover notes don't say which of the band write the songs, but M Shadows gives it perfect credence with his ranting in mid-tune. Hot on it's heals comes the single that broke the band in the UK, "Almost Easy". It's melodic riff and broken pace is commercial enough for the accountants but distinct enough to do the business. Track 3 is "Scream", a mix of gothic and bluesy vocals with a chorus that reminds me of old Bond themes, there is something sinister about this song that surfaces again later on the CD. Another great guitar segway leads into a manic chain-saw reminiscent moment; perhaps the band have been watching American Psycho?

The second single from the CD arrives in a funereal mourning of strings full of of false pretenses as "AfterLife" launches into more fast-paced guitars and drums. As M Shadows laments that he shouldn't be there, the listener is never quite sure if he is the damned or the devil, his voice has such a dangerous edge. By now we know the lad can sing, but track 5 is a wonderful diversion from the metal noise we've had so far. "Gunslinger", perhaps inspired by the Stephen King series "The Dark Tower", begins with an acoustic blues air as if it's sitting out on the porch with the sun setting over a dusty plain. Shadows cant keep his voice in check for more than a verse though, and everyone else wants in on the action, lifting the song to classical proportions. This could be the next single; it is certainly commercial enough and shows the band's range. It feels like an Guns and Roses effort, but with less whining from Axel and more soul from Shadows. "Unbound" brings us back to familiar territory with busy guitars, but wait, is that a piano? Younger British rock fans will feel at home with this track as it strongly echoes the rocksters Eliot Minor with lots of intricate scales rising and falling on a bed of frantic drums. The child-sung bridge is a little unnerving, but it is probably meant to be: Avenged Sevenfold seem happy to make you as uncomfortable as possible while lulling you into parting with your time and money willingly. If I had to pick one track as the filler for this CD, "Unbound" would be it, but only if I absolutely had to pick one.

Another strange twist comes with "Brompton Cocktail" and yes, those are bongos. After wanting to leave the After life earlier in our travels, M Shadows seems to have changed his mind and is now embracing his own end. The title suitably refers to a gothic era, and there is something very Evanescence about this track. Is Shadows the male equivalent to the delectable Amy Lee? You decide. With "Lost" the band return to the opening theme of not being happy with their leaders. This is an anti-war song that assaults the ears with the power of a stealth bomber. And yet more unusual sounds, as Shadows' vocals are fed through a distorter for the chorus, in case the song needed any more edge. Which it doesn't. Track 9 is a romp to rival any dark Victorian-style horror show; if you don't read the lyrics sheet then it is a good quirky song, but delve into the words and you will find a gruesome and violent story with a manic-sarcastic lilt that buffers sickness with humour. As Shadows tells us "She was never this good in bed ~ not even when she was sleepin'" you just know he is serious. It really is a masterpiece but not for those with a delicate disposition, and I imagine Tim Burton being desperate to get his hands on the contract for the video for this one.

The CD ends with another gorgeous ballad, "Dear God". Coming directly after "A Little Piece of Heaven" the contrast is welcome and jarring at the same time. Leave 'em wanting more has always been the motto of the best entertainers, and with this Avenged Sevenfold have surely succeeded.

Current Location: trying to make a few quid on the side
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Dear God ~ Avenged Sevenfold

I havent got drunk on fizzy cider for many years, and now I remember why. Ugh. And I only had 4 pints of it. All night I've felt crap, threw up this morning, but at least now the atlantic size swimming pool full of floating oil drums in my head has pretty much gone (sweet tea always works). I did have a great evening though, despite the Frog & Fiddle not putting their bar clock bak an hour the other week and me not connecting the 'getting dark outside' with it actually being 9pm and not 8pm. We had a TIS reunion, hastily organised but a laugh all the same, with 6 of us in various states of drunkeness. Just like old times.

Tonight me & Lily are supposed to be going to the Guildhall in Gloucester to see Dividing the Line, but I'm going to exert a little mum-pressure and try and get Ryan to go with her instead. I'll go if he wont, but they hardly go anywhere except his house, here and the cinema. Meanwhile I am listening to the Avenged Sevenfold CD I bought yesterday and I am mightily happy with it.

In other news, Lucas & Sam got married yesterday. Contacting Sam seems to have been the right thing to do, whatever Sharon things  Sam does love Lucas and he obviously adores her. She says she will try and send me some wedding photos next week. But here is our grandchild Jason Adrian C and his daddy.

 

Still no pictures of my nephew Morgan yet because he is still in Trelisk. The infection is gone now, and his weight is going up again - he went down to 4lb 9oz which is why they took him in to start with. But the clot is still there and he is being tested for Hughes Syndrome. Kevin & Becky have also given blood and when I next see my GP I will ask for the test too. Apparently its a fairly newly named Syndrome but it has long been known as 'sticky blood' and the symptoms seem so obvious I wouldnt be at all surprised if we have it. I already take aspirin every day so there isnt anything else the GP could give me, but it would certainly be useful to know if I need any more operations. We'll know in about a week if Morgan has it.

Current Location: partying, gigging, LIVING!
Current Mood: groggy
Current Music: Gunsliger ~ Avenged Sevenfold

No more news on Morgan yet, but our friends in Reading (Lily's friend really, they have the same birthday but Kirsty is a year older) had thier little girl (Ella) on Apr 12th weighing 7lb 9oz. And then last Friday 18th, I acquired a new grandson! Jason Adrian wanted to see his daddy before daddy leaves for navy basic training, so he made his arrival at 5.20pm (4 weeks early) weighing 6lb 5oz. And then best thing is, I got pictures of him last night too (but they are on a photo viewer and I havent worked out how to change the format yet). Chances are they will all be stationed in Germany, so I may not have to cross the Atlantic to see them :)

Current Location: still looking for another job
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: LongRoad to Ruin ~ Foo Fighters

Had a call late last night (actually woke me up) from Kevin. Morgan is in Trelisk hospital. He hasnt been feeding very well since the birth and had lost too much weight, so the midwife had him admitted on Monday. Once he got there, it was decided that he had an infection so antibiotics were started. Yesterday morning, a nurse noticed his left leg was a 'funny colour' so they took him for a scan and unbelievably, they found a blood clot near his groin. Kevin said the hospital phoned a couple of others with special baby units and got some advice on how to proceed. Morgan is now on mild anti coagulants and will be in neonatal for at least a week.

Its the same leg as me. Its the same thing as me, and the way Kevin described the infection it sounds like cellulitis, like I had. Dad had a blood clot too. Very bizarre, but possibly why I felt the way I did last week about him.

Current Location: off to work
Current Mood: worried
Current Music: news jingle

That seems to be the question of the moment. It can be physical or mental care, but it seems to be weighing on me these days.

I was prompted by being told that I hadnt posted here for a while. I was told this on the phone by someone who had phoned me. The phoning me bit happens rarely, which for the most part is ok, because I know I dont phone out very often either. And I'm not one to make gestures in order to receive something back; often I will store stuff up and have a blitz of giving and the cosmos seems satisfied with that because I sometimes get a flurry of stuff back at unexpected moments. I dont keep a tally of letters sent, calls received, visits postponed or emails unanswered, but I do notice and file away for evaluation later.

There are lots of things I dont care about. Lots of people too. Could be it's an Aquarian thing, what most other signs put down to the Aquarian aloofness, but its usually that I can detatch myself quite effectively from a subject or person to become objective if needed. That shouldnt be taken to mean I care little though, or that I care about few. I just dont go overboard with the demonstrations. It shouldnt be thought that I am unfeeling towards myself either ~ when people continually dont respond to emails or calls, or keep cancelling visits, or say they will do something and then dont, it does actually hurt a bit.

I spent a bit of time with my brother recently. Not something I do as a rule, we are not close by any stretch of the imagination. But I felt I should make the effort, being the older sibling and not having our parents around anymore, because his wife was due to give birth to their first child, my first real biological nephew (Morgan finally arrived yesterday at 2.17am weighing 5lb 5 3/4 oz). He lives in the house that he shared with our parents after they lost theirs to the bank. I had been back a few times since mum died, but not for about 6 years now. When I got there this time, Becky (sister-in-law) and her mum were there. It was nice to meet Becky's mum, but it felt very odd to be a guest in the house. We got to talking about Kevin, and after a while I realised that they were infering that he has Aspergers Syndrome. I felt like I'd been slapped with a wet fish, and then in a flood of after-thoughts it all became perfectly obvious. I dont think it's an official diagniosis, but he almost certainly could get one. Aspergers is not Autism: my step-son Lee has Autism and I have worked with Autistic kids, and while there are similarities between the two, one is not the other. Kevin has many 'quirks', but as I have paid him relatively little attention over the past 34 years none of them joined hands long enough for me to think anything of them, especially as I had my own shit going on for much of the time. Do I feel guilty about that? No, not particularly. Do I care? That's a whole nother question.

It was a strained visit, even when Kevin got home from work and the conversation picked up a little. Well, that's an exaggeration really, as Kevin does most of the talking. Becky didnt know that I'd asked him before their wedding last year to send me some of the wedding photos. We went through the ones they had on the computer and I've made a list of file numbers now, but who knows how long or if at all it will take before I get them. I dont expect to see anything of Morgan until he's about 12 at this rate. Kevin has pretty poor social skills. He doesnt ask how other people are unless its in direct relations to what he's been talking about. He doesnt acknowledge Ray at all, doesnt respond when I mention him either. Not because he disaproves, but because he is uncomfortable with the whole concept from start to finish (except the meeting online thing, because that's how he & Becky met too). He only mentioned Lily once. But he can talk for England about the intricacies of a DAF gearbox or repeat whole conversations he's had that day. Did I mention he only wears black? Now I understand that in present company, wearing black is not unusual, but he obsessively only wears black, and only particular items from particular shops or brands. And did I mention the cap? Since he was about  9 or 10 Kevin has had a succession of baseball caps and they only leave his head when he sleeps or showers (and I suspect that if he could dry them successfully afterwards, they would shower with him too).  For the wedding, he bought a fedora. I nearly feinted when I saw the photos, because it wasnt a cap, and he was actually in the photos and actually smiling in some of them and not making every attempt to avoid the camera even by pulling the hat down over his face. Our Dad wore caps. Kevin wanted only to be like Dad when he was growing up. I think he is succeeding. And while I didnt expect to be the first person Kevin phoned the second that Morgan screamed his first sound, I also didnt expect to have to phone at 10.30 last night just to see if anything had happened. I have no idea when he would have let me know otherwise.

There are other indicators of course; the refusal to get rid of strange items that belonged to our parents (3 deckchairs of the nylon variety that are as old as I am, for instance), the obsession of keeping things in 'their place', the poor personal hygiene (though Becky is obviously working on that one), the insistance that things "should be" the way he wants and the anxiety and anger when they arent; the refusal to accommodate other people's feelings or wishes if they impose on the ones he already has, and the oblivious response when walking diesel in the house on the bottom of his shoes or the fact that Becky's parents decorated the nursery so that Morgan wouldnt be brought home to wet paint. There was a time when his 'interest' in weaponry worried me (I remember Michael Ryan's rampage through Hungerford, and I suspect Kevin does too), but that seems to have waned somewhat now. He still talks of joining MI5 though.

I guess until now I have just regarded him the same way many people regard their dotty aunt Maud who lives in the spare room and wears her knickers as gloves. We have only one thing in common, and that's our dead parents. It's always been that way. But now he has a son, and I feel things are, or at least should be, about to change. We have no other family to speak of, and as I get older I suspect that this is because of our Dad's Aspergers' tendencies too. But I simply have no connection with my brother at all. Everything I did and said while I was there, I did and said because I can do the small talk when I have to and I can fit myself to social situations that are not to my liking. Nothing about it was natural, nothing felt like family. I find I care about that little boy in ways I could not ever contemplate caring about my brother, but to do anything about it will be like turning a supertanker around in mid-ocean. If I start steering now, we might face the other way sometime in the next decade. Perhaps.

We both have our own separate families now. He has the yokles in Cornwall, and I have the rednecks in America. For anyone who has been wondering about Melba, she is still with us. In fact, she is somewhat more with us these days: the thing in her spine is not cancer, but the thing in her breast is and is still growing (which it would as its been untreated for almost a year). We have a problem though, because to get the medical insurace she needed to cover the treatment options, she had to sell her house and car. Now that the treatment is within range, it is possible that she may yet survive all this. But now she has no home to return to. I always thought their insurance system was wyrd, but now I know it's truely fuked. We are waiting for the nuclear test results to come back before the doctors decide whether she should have any chemo or not. Do I care? You betcha. She doesnt deserve any of this, she deserves to have some return on the love and devotion she showed her 2 boys all their lives, and not to be sitting in a nursing home while the youngest lodges with a guy across the street from her old house and sometimes works but sometimes doesnt, and the eldest is working unpaid for the State of Texas for the next 16 years at least. I can do nothing but keep regular phone calls going and relay the info she forgets to include to her letters to Ray.

They say you dont choose your family. Well I guess I chose my American one. And I think you define who is in your family and who isnt. My family is Ray & Lily, and then Lee & Lucas and Melba, Samantha (Lucas' gf) and the baby when he arrives next month, and then Jay. Where do I put Morgan? He's a blood relation, but does that put him above a grandchild by marriage? Does it put him above step-kids? Do I care? Well actually yes, it feels important at the moment for some reason.  Does anyone else care? Probably not.



 

Current Location: under the weather
Current Mood: pensive
Current Music: From the Cradle ~ Eric Clapton

everyone else seems to be doing it....

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Current Location: waiting for the Pizza Hut guy
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: Cravendale milk ad

For just about everything at the moment, or so it seems.

Waiting #1 ~ for the nephew and the grandchild to arrive, plus 4 other babies all due between now and the end of May for which only half so far have some little knitted niceness made. The boss had her little boy only 2 days past her due date, but for someone so amazingly efficient and organised, she stunned us all by still not having a name chosen, and went right to the wire of having to have the birth registered before settling on Callum Josh.

Waiting #2 ~ for mail. Havent heard from Chelsea since Xmas, so her birthday card next weekend will probably be the last thing I send to her until I have some response. Its just one of those things, and I know she has around 10 other people whom she regularly writes to, but I'm a bit disapointed. It could be that I refuse to get drawn into her appeals process, as that was one of the things Ray & I agreed I wouldnt (couldnt) do for any penpal. Also havent heard from Ray, the last thing I have from him is dated Feb 27th and I got that 10 days ago. Our Florida friends had a letter from him last week with stuff in there for me as always, and I'll speak to his mum later or tomorrow and see if she has heard from him. I know he's writing, it's just not getting here. And it's pants having a one-sided conversation for so long.

Waiting #3 ~ to get Nickelback tickets! Yes, the scary Jesus man is coming back over here in September (he obviously cant get enough of me) and once Lisa is certain all her bills have been paid, I can transfer some pennies over and she will get us 3 tickets for Birmingham NEC because Lily has agreed to come too.

Waiting # 4 ~ for Brussels. After some discussion, Lily and me are going to do some gigs this year instead of doing Brussles (unless we win the lottery... oh shit, forgot to buy the ticket again and it's raining now) and we'll try and do the Eurostar thing at the end of the year or next Spring. Although, if she decides to do the next year of her course, she may get to go to on the Borneo field trip which will be £1000. Or we'll pick somewhere European and cooler and she can do a gap-trip instead. She fancies working with ferral cats in Cyprus or with a turtle project in Spain. But this year, its music and we are starting next weekend with a night in Gloucester sampling local band Irritant for £7 each.

Waiting #5 ~ for a new job. Actually, there is one at the Uni that I'm expecting an application pack for, and for the first time in ages I can do/have got everything they want in their description. Same money, less hassle, shorter commute, fingers crossed.

Waiting #6 ~ for enough money saved to go see the folks on Toronto and then Ray on the first weekend in October and hopefully Coffield wont have run out of polaroid paper by then and we'll have some new photos done.

How to wish your year away in 6 easy steps.....

Current Location: stalking the mailman
Current Mood: blank
Current Music: Outlaw Torn ~ Metallica & the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra

On a theme of the Project 360 thing that Lisa told me about a while ago, I am going to be taking at least one photo every day throughout March.  Lily says she might do the same thing in May. So in the spirit of making it interesting, I have spent today in Gloucester wandering round the cathedral with Lisa. Weekends will be far easier than week days, but it might prompt me to walk from work into town in search of an unusual photo opportunity instead of just waiting for the bus.

In other news, the grandchild is a boy and will probably be named Jason when he arrives sometime in May.

Lily is deliberating over whether to do the second year of her course or switch to some A levels.

Ray has yet another cold bug.

And I need to win the lottery.

Current Location: traveling with my camera
Current Mood: productive
Current Music: Metallica ~ Fuel

Especially when he's a Lieutenant. Especially when he works for TDCJ. Especially when he tells you of course he will let your husband know that you are ok but cant make it to see him. Especially when he remembers you from the day before and knows exactly what happened to keep you from your husband in the first place.

And I have spent the past week talking to other COs who I know really are the good guys, and trying to explain to a couple of others that the majority of them come across as complete arseholes. But of course, they dont believe me.

So I will just stick with my man in white, thanks, who may well be a convict and assorted other unsavoury things to most people, but at least he doesnt lie to me.

Current Location: too fkin far away
Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Jet ~ Are You Gonna Be My Girl

Hi all

I hope nobody minds, but I am typing this out just once and cross posting/emailing to everyone who has expressed an interest in knowing how my weekend went. I think, once you read it, you'll understand my exhaustion right now and I'll get round to answering any questions as and when... and it's long so you might want to grab a coffee.....

Usually, when I make these trips, the first part is always the same. This was my 6^th visit to Ray and I really didnt expect any variation at least before touching down in Dallas, but what's that old proverb, complacency breeds contempt or something like that? Well, this time, things started off just a little different. Nothing much, just that American Airlines wont allow non-US domestic flights to check in online, and as they also dont have the self-check terminals like BA do, I couldnt ditch my suitcase until their desk opened at 7am. No big deal, I went and had a huge cup of tea and a danish in the Costa Coffee place and read through the Guardian and bought a copy of “Small Gods” (this is relevant), but it was a change to the routine. Getting through check-in and customs took a little longer (because I was doing it later) so I bought a drink in the departure lounge instead of my usual breakfast and had my aspirin before taking a short nap.

The plane was almost full. When I was looking through the Discworld novels in the airport bookshop, “Small Gods” told me to buy it (I only own 4 Pratchett books, so there were plenty I could have chosen). I generally give Tyr a nod when I'm on my way to Texas, him being the God of justice (that's not exactly the same as fairness, reason, or punishment) and as the weather forecast was for clear blue skies all weekend (his association again) it seemed a wise thing to do. As the plane filled up, I asked if I could please just have an empty seat next to me so I could put my foot up during the flight. When we took off, the only 2 empty seats in the whole cattle-class cabin were the ones next to me. But no one rides for free.

We were a little late getting into Dallas, but the real hassle was getting through passport control. If you time it right, then there wont be any planes in front of you and it takes maybe 20 minutes to get through to baggage reclaim, but this time there were at least 3 international flights in front of mine, 2 Japanese and 1 Mexican, and the wheelchair gate was only accepting wheelchairs, so I had to stand in line for an hour and 10 minutes before I got to have my fingerprints and photo taken. Luckily, Jame's boss had phoned the airport and they knew my flight was a bit late, so James turned up just after I got through the exit.

I had known before hand that James might use his work truck while I was there, as it meant we wouldnt have to pay for any gas or road tolls. That was fine, it was a small flat-bed not a huge artic', but the cab was a bit high for me to get into. James had lent his car to a friend, but on our way out of the airport he said he would try and get it back because it would be easier, especially going into the prison. We drove out to his place, I met one of his bosses, and James called his friend who said he would try and get the car back by 6. That was a bit later than I'd hoped, because we were visiting Melba and supposed to be dropping by Ray's ex-wife Sharon's house too that evening, plus eating, but the traffic around Dallas is pretty horrendous and we'd have got caught up in it if we'd taken the truck right then anyway, so we waited. James phoned the friend again at 6, who said he still wasnt near to Dallas, so we took the truck anyway and went out to see Melba.

The place she is at is a big single storey nursing home, but almost all of it is having building work done and out of what must be at least 100 rooms, I would guess that only 30 are being used. It will look nice when it's finished, but right now, I'm surprised they are allowed any residents there! Melba was so pleased to see us, but as it was late she was tired. We went through some of her photos, and we stayed for about an hour. Then we decided to get seeing Sharon over with as well as she lives just a mile or so from the Hospice. James has heard all about her from Ray too and he was happy to come in with me.

When we got there, Sharon's husband Andy said she was in the shower and would be out in a few minutes. So I got to meet Lee (my older step-son with autism). And we waited. And waited some more. Then Andy came back through and said Sharon was feeling sick from some fish that they had eaten for dinner, but the photos of Ray's were in a box and we could take them if we wanted. I'm still not sure I believe that about the fish, but we took the box and said we'd call back again on Sunday to see her. Once we were back in the truck, both James and I said that was really strange behaviour.

Then we went to eat, time was getting on and we didnt leave until 11.30 – it took ages to get the bill. It was just past midnight when we got back to James' so I went straight to bed. About half an hour after, James shouted through the door that he was going to pick up his car and he'd be about 40 minutes. He said he would set the alarm and lock everything up behind him – he lives above the place where he works. So I tried to sleep, but being alone in a strange place and unconsciously listening for James to get back made it almost impossible. James finally got back at 5am (the time we'd agreed to get up) and said he'd spent all night riding around with the friend's girlfriend trying to find the car and get it back to his place. I told him he should get a couple of hours sleep before we headed out to Coffield, as Ray would be ok to wait for me, but he said he'd be fine as long as he had some coffee.

But he wasnt. Several coffees, Red Bulls, caffeine pills and ice later and James was still struggling to stay awake at the wheel. I kept telling him to pull over and sleep, but in Texas you cant just pull off the road for a while like we can here. We had the windows open, the radio on loud, he even phoned his brother and tried to keep talking to him as well (which under normal circumstances would have been the worst idea but we were running out of them by then). Finally, we got to Coffield at just after 9am, having left Dallas at 6.20. It should have taken no more than 2 hours. James was very nervous of speaking to the COs on the gate, but oddly we werent asked to open the bonnet or boot like Melba always has been. I could see James was unsettled when we got down to the visitor entrance for Coffield, but I drew him a quick plan of the Hospitality House (we were going to call in on the way to Coffield but we took a different road in the end and didnt drive past it), with the name and address (I forgot to put the phone #) and as good a directions as I could remember although I now know I got the road number wrong. He said he'd be fine and he would go and sign us in and get some sleep and be back at 1.30 to pick me up.

So I did get to see Ray and we had a really nice visit. We weren't watched particularly by the COs, we talked and laughed and the time went fairly quickly. He looked happy and relaxed, but when we hugged goodbye he said “well, if I dont see you tomorrow, have a safe journey home” which I though was a crazy thing to say, of course I would be seeing him tomorrow....

I waited until after 3pm before I decided that James must have fallen deeply asleep and I started walking towards the Family Centre at the Coffield/Michael gate. I didnt get very far, a CO drove up to me and said that families are not permitted to walk out of the car park and I had to go back. As I walked back, a lady pulled up and said the CO had told her I needed a ride and she could take me to the Hospitality House, so I jumped in and off we went. Her name was Carol-Ann and her son had been part of the GED Graduation ceremony that had also been happening at Coffield that day. We drove to the HH, but there was no sign of James, he hadnt signed us in at all. So we drove back up to the Family Centre to see if he'd stopped in there at all, but no one had seen him. Carol-Ann took me back to the HH again, where luckily the manager was around as Carol-Ann had to go. I explained to the manager Jan what had happened and she said that she and her husband were about to leave for Oklahoma but she could make a couple of phone calls for me. I was beginning to think that James had had an accident somewhere as he'd been so tired when he left me. Jan phoned her boss, and I could hear parts of what the other lady said: I realised with horror that they suspected James had just done a runner with my stuff when the other lady asked how much cash I had. It was only $200, the least of my worries really, but at that point the only things I had were my passport (minus the visa slip which I'd not wanted to lose at the prison so I'd put it into my travel documents envelope in my bag) and $10 in quarters, and the clothes on my back. I could hear the lady saying to call the police, and that was Jan's next suggestion.

Now, at this point I need to explain that James met Ray while they were in prison, and James has subsequently done another 1 year bid as well. He got out last November and as I say he has a job and a home and is trying hard to get his life back together. I knew he was nervous about going back to a prison even just to visit, but he insisted that he would be ok. He refused to let me pay for anything other than dinner before we got to Coffield, and we get along just fine. He had given me absolutely no reason to think he would just ditch me in the middle of nowhere and take off with my stuff (which included Ray's photos). I had been prepared to have to call Sharon from the airport if James hadn't turned up when I arrived, but everything seemed ok. I am also very aware that if James gets into any more trouble with the police, he will classed as an habitual offender and he wont just get a year's state jail time if convicted. He had told me that he wasnt always stable, but most guys who have been through TDCJ arent stable and many people in America claim Bi-Polar so I thought he meant something like that. When Ray mentioned schizophrenia to me earlier that day in relation to James, it was the first I'd heard.

Jan asked what car James had and I couldnt remember but I said the CO on the gate took the license plate number and make as we went in, so she called Coffield and spoke to the deputy warden, who got the details for us. She got off the phone and said “you dont want to hear that”, so of course I said I did and she said they remembered James because he'd asked for directions to Houston as he'd left. Houston is about 6 hours south of Coffield. Ever had one of those stomach-turns-to-ice-and-drops-through-the-floor moments? It suddenly hit me what a bad situation this was. I had no clothes, no money, no phone and no address book, no food, no transport, and most importantly no visa slip – you have to surrender that when you leave the country, otherwise they think you have overstayed and when you want to go back, they dont let you. But still, a little part of my head was insisting that James had had an accident somewhere. I held on to that while Jan phoned the local police. I asked her if she had internet, thinking I could get Sharon's phone number from my emails and throw myself on her mercy. Jan said no they didnt, but she could phone a friend and get her to look Sharon up, so that's what we did. We found Sharon's work number, and miraculously, managed to speak to her boss, who then called Sharon, who then called us back and said she would be with me in 2 hours. No arguments, no waffling, nothing. Jan prayed, out loud, which wasnt unexpected seeing as it is a Christian retreat centre, but my mind went back to “Small Gods” which I had started reading on the plane. The basic thread of the story is, a God needs people to believe in it for it to be able to exist, so while Jan was asking her God to bring a happy resolution I was silently asking Tyr for the same thing.

Jan said she really had to leave then, but as the police and Sharon were on their way, I said yes she should go, I'd be fine. I waited in the lobby of the meeting room and sure enough about half an hour later, an Anderson County Sheriff's car rolled in. The policeman was lovely, an older guy, who had visited England about 10 years ago and remembered Bath and Wales fondly. He took as much info as I could give him, which was a lot (including parts of James' brother and mother's home addresses), and I impressed upon him that I still thought James would be in a ditch somewhere. The policeman was apologising for how I'd been treated – Texans seem to take it very personally if a visitor gets a rough deal, everyone I spoke to told me that not all Texans behave so badly – and said no matter what, they would find James and my stuff. He said he would either call back on the HH phone (which Jan said was in the kitchen area) or he'd come back in person, or if Sharon got to me first I should call the Sheriff's office and give them her contact number.

He returned after about an hour with some news. Apparently James had been stopped on Hwy 45 (that heads down to Houston) that afternoon and given 2 tickets. Strangely, he had called someone else and told them to get in touch with the Sheriff's office and get them to tell me that he was heading back to Dallas and would meet me there (not sure how he thought I'd get there). I had the friend's phone number from the policeman, and I said I would let the Sheriff's office know if I wasnt reunited with my stuff. I called the friend after the policeman left, and he said James had run out of gas, got lost, and had problems with his phone but was upset that I would be angry with him. I told the friend (who I later found out was the same one who had borrowed the car the night before) that I would be heading back to Mesquite and James had to meet me there as soon as possible.

Sharon arrived a little while later. This is very much the Tyr form of 'justice'. It is things working out for the greater good, rather than for individual gain or retribution. We spent the next 2 ½ hours (we stopped for a Subway as I hadnt eaten all day) getting to know each other, without anyone else to distract us. We understand each other better now. I went straight to bed when we got back to her house, as they said they would deal with James when he turned up.

He didnt. We all hoped that he'd leave my stuff on the porch in the night at the very least, but no. While Sharon made breakfast I tried calling his mobile again (I had tried from Jan's office, but I got the middle digits wrong and left a message on a random stranger's phone instead. I got the right number from the 'friend' but only reached the voicemail). Still voicemail. Sharon convinced me to call the Carrollton police and get them to make a welfare call on James' place to see if he was there and ok, especially when I mentioned the possibility of his mental state being bad. A few minutes later I tried James' phone once more and he answered. We had a fraught conversation, and I dont care what anyone thinks of my ability to trust people, I knew he was having difficulty keeping it together and I let him say whatever he needed to say without me yelling at him (which is what I guess most people would have done). He went through blaming me for bad directions, then tried to give explanations of no gas, no working phone, getting lost, etc etc, and then when I didnt react to that he almost broke down completely and apologised profusely for me missing seeing Ray and being stranded when he had promised to look after me, and said that he had no memory of about 3 hours of the previous day including leaving Coffield. Then I told him that the police would be calling on him again, to which he got angry again, but I just said flatly that he'd left me no choice. He said he would call back once they'd been, but asked if I could call them and try and stop them. I did do that, but the dispatch lady said they were already there. James phoned back about half an hour later to say the police had really interrogated him and called his boss and his brother (the car is registered to his brother), but that he was ready to bring my stuff to me now. If we could meet him halfway. I handed the phone to Sharon and she arranged that Andy would drive me out to meet him because she didnt trust herself to do it. She was also going to try while we were out to arrange an earlier pick up of her son so that I could possibly get out to see Ray for an hour at least. Unfortunately, when she spoke to her ex, he said he actually needed to drop the boy to her later than usual as they were doing something else, so it wasnt going to be possible.

Andy took me to meet James. It was heartbreaking. James took my case to Andy's car while I checked that all my money was still in my bag. When I turned round James was behind me. I told him that I had to check. He looked very close to tears and he said nothing, we just hugged and I told him I would be in touch. Then me & Andy left. Honestly, I am very worried about James. I am not going to phone him but I am going to write later today: it was only on our way back to Sharon's that I realised my walking stick was still in James' car. Again, Tyr's justice: I dont really need it, I only use it as a visual to get me through the airport security, it is something I had to give up. I will ask James to post it back to me, and if he does I will return it to the hospital.

There was just no way we could work out that would allow me to see Ray and get back to DFW for my flight on time. That was the last straw really, it was the reason for the whole trip, and I broke down then. We hadnt finished talking the day before, I hadnt told him when I'd be back again (which is important to me to do each time), we hadnt said a proper goodbye. It felt like someone had taken a chainsaw to part of me. But I pulled myself together and phoned Coffield, and managed to speak to the same Deputy Warden that Jan had talked to before so at least he knew the situation. I asked him to let Ray know that I was ok but I couldnt get to see him. Then I wrote a note with a short explanation of the previous 24 hours and put that in Sharon's mailbox so at least he will know by the end of this week instead of having to wait up to a fortnight for news.

I spent the rest of the day just hanging out with Sharon, Lee and Sharon's friend Tammy who offered to take me to the airport while Sharon went to collect her youngest son. We all visited Melba again, which was good because Sharon hadnt seen her in almost a year and Lee hadnt seen her since before Xmas. I took her some yoghurt that she'd asked for on Friday night, and some flowers. Then me & Lee watched music documentaries until it was time for me to leave with Tammy.

There was nothing remarkable about the flight home, or getting from Gatwick to Cheltenham.

So that was my birthday weekend. Not one I will forget, but for all the wrong reasons. It is very easy to say that I should not have trusted James because we had never met face to face and because he is an ex-con, but I have known him for almost 3 years and I did have a back-up plan with Sharon (and if I'd had my address book, I had a few other people I could have tried to call too). It was only because TDCJ do not allow you to take anything other than ID, car keys and $20 in quarters into the units and that the units are generally well away from civilisation that I was stranded so badly – there are no lockers, and it's not that unusual for people to get rides and be dropped off, and not bring their own cars. Here in the UK, you do get a locker to use if you need one, and most prisons are on a bus route. I could not really have done anything differently. But, if I had known the full extent of James' mental problems, I would not have allowed him to offer to do so much, I would have spread the load more evenly with Sharon and maybe even asked other people I know to help me a little before-hand. He took on more than he was able to handle. Everyone has the option to say 'no' to me without me being offended, but if I dont have all the information at my disposal I cant make informed decisions.

It was not a disaster; I did see Ray and I did get all my stuff back (except my stick and one CD). I did get to spend time with Lee, and me & Sharon had a chance to talk. I also saw Melba twice. It just didnt work out the way I thought it was going to. Next time, I will be doing it differently.

Current Location: back home
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: Nickelback ~ Far Away

when Silva takes to the sky and crosses the pond in a tin can. Take off is in just over 12 hours, but I leave in the taxi  in 3 1/2.  Those who wanted the address & phone number have it. Those tornados havent been in texas, if anyone was wondering.

See you all next week!

Current Location: last minute packing
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Korn ~ Take Me Down